Chopshops: Lennox Avenue - Market Saturation

Fraud ain't new to this, he true to this. That being said, last week I set out to answer, definitively, for my readers, a question I know's been burning their cerebral cortexes for some time:... Why are there so many damn barber shops in Harlem? It's well-documented that Harlem has the most barber shops per capita of any neighborhood the world-over. But there can't be that many wolfin' hedz in need of a fresh cut, right? Right? Well... Fraud didn't definitively answer that question; it continues to baffle. I did, however, complete an exhaustive price and "atmospherics" survey of barber shops on the Lennox corridor below 125th. I was met with curious, suspicious, distrustful, and sometimes outright hostile glares and inquiries, but all this I endured for my loyal readers without regret or expectation of recompense. True to this.

Fraud stopped going to the (black) barber shop a few years back, so there will be no kicking of the tires so to speak. Having been sufficiently socialized in that environment for 20+ years, every other Saturday, he decided it was best to invest in some quality clippers and learn the mystical art of the homecut. On special occasions Fraud'll hit up the local chopshop, but he doesn't mind pocketing that $400+/year by going dolo. I also decided I had better things to do with my entire Saturday than waiting on some garrulous Negro to quit flapping his gums, leisurely enjoying multiple "lunches," and hollering indiscriminately at every fat one that happened to walk by the window, regardless of the facial merits. But that's just me.

First, there was Pure Elegance Unisex Salon on the west side of the avenue between 119th and 120th. One of the barbers was energetically soliciting outside on the block--never a good sign. Inside, the chickens ruled the roost. The lone barber with a flesh and blood customer stood opposite a bullpen of women under the dryer eyeing him mercilessly with the unmistakable judgment: "You ain't shit." He informed Fraud, without conviction, that cuts were $15... First, Fraud stays fresh. Second, Fraud ain't no sucker, man. No TVs? And I gotta sit there uncomfortably, absorbing the bullpen's ire? Shiiiiiit. You must've had me confused...


Next, Fraud hit up Sho Nuff, another unisex shop, this time on the east side of the avenue between 123rd and 124th, and one that proudly continues the bizarre convention of giving black barber shops names more befitting a Blaxploitation flick. Outside, Fraud was aggressively questioned by a brother in a lawn chair about snapping pictures (See photo, stage left). His rambling monologue could be summed up as follows: "You popo? You wit' dem boys, ain't cha?" He then proceeded to disparage President Obama, likening him unflatteringly, I assure you, to Officer Ponch. As with Pure Elegance, the chickens rule the roost in this unisex shop. There are no TVs to partake in bizarre male rituals like watching sports. Now, Fraud is by no means a misogynist--chauvinist, maybe, but no misogynist. But if men can't have their barber shops to themselves, what's left? You just can't talk about this or this in the presence of a woman. It would be unseemly. And besides that and sports, guys really have nothing left to talk about... Oh, cuts are sho nuff $10 at Sho Nuff. Right on. Patrons' swag pre-cut: Slightly minimal. Post-cut: Minimal.


USA 1st Stop Barber Shop & Hair Salon is located on the east side of Lennox between 118th and 119th. The vibe inside is in a word: depressing. Cuts are allegedly $10 but Fraud got the distinct impression he could've gotten a cut in exchange for some lively conversation. And by "lively," I mean inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide--preferably through the nose--all while speaking. This in stark contrast to the conversation offered by the comatose gentleman photo stage right. Methinks dude was auditioning for Madame Tussaud's. The red, white, and blue color scheme is an obvious play on USA 1st, appealing to the more patriotic consumer. Judging by its subscription, it may want to change things up. Maybe red, hot, and blue? Complimentary ribs with that Caesar? Patrons' swag pre-cut: --. Post-cut: ... ... ... ... CLEAR!


Apparently, all the neighborhood patriots flock to Victor's, 153 Lennox between 117th and 118th on the avenue's west side, another red, white, and blue, unabashedly all-American shop. And more apparently apparently, all the neighborhood patriots are Hispanic; there was not a lick of unbroken English spoken in the joint. It was, however, filled to the brim with customers. Fraud was eyed suspiciously upon entering, his measly two semesters of Spanish evident. And two semesters plus some erratic viewing of telemundo do not a native speaker make. Cuts were $10 despite the presence of a TV showing tournament games and the boisterous atmosphere. Como se dice: bargain? I just realized Victor's customers could be candy lovers, not patriots. Patrons' swag pre-cut: Abundant. Post-cut: Clean and abundant.


The uninspired but unambiguous Lennox Barber Shop Corp. is between 115th and 116th and offers $10 cuts. In addition, Abe Vigoda will keep you in stitches as he gives you a disjointed taper and a Snickers bar. A nice streak of faux-ivy lines the back wall, classing up the joint a bit. The lone brother waiting for a cut appeared to be part of someone's ingenious witness protection program. Patrons' swag pre-cut: Dire. Post-cut: Slim.


On the south side of 116th between Lennox and 5th is B. Braxton. The bourgie salon, open a few years now, proclaims to offer "Exceptional Grooming for Exceptional Men." Once upon a time Fraud patronized the joint for the easy-on-the-eyes, all-female staff, shameless and aggressive flirting from said staff apparently on furlough, scalp massage, complimentary hot towels and NO WAIT, all for under $20. If I recall correctly, there was also a bar, and patrons could indulge in a mani/pedi, facial, or massage for a reasonable rate. (Pause.) However, there are no TVs in B. Braxton, save one that constantly streams whine and cheesey 90's R&B. There was also little in the way of traditional male comradery. In any event, on this visit the joint was closed despite its posted operating hours (10 a.m. to 8 p.m.). So much for never having to wait. Perhaps the spot was a bit "too ahead" of the neighborhood, much like the now defunct and ill-fated/-conceived caviar bar formerly occupying space on the northeast corner of 120th and Lennox. At least B. Braxton never had a fruit fly infestation problem, unlike the aforementioned. (From memory...) Patrons' swag pre-cut: Fabulous. Post-cut: Even more fabulous.


Finally, Fraud found his favorite chopshop... On or a block east of Lennox... And below 125th... The ambitious, original Blu Barber (no relation). Blu Barber offers $13 cuts, the $3 premium on the consensus neighborhood price presumably for internet access, video games, a fax and copy machine, multiple flat screen TVs, and good old-fashioned misogyny. No doubt. I see you. The only problem I see for Blu is its flirtation with flouting the one unassailable rule of all successful retail: (good) location, (good) location, (good) location. Blu is nestled amongst the numerous PJs that line the avenue below 113th. Here's wishing you all the best Blu. Patrons' swag pre-cut: Staggering. Post-cut: Obnoxious with clean lines.




There you have it, children and inmates. The chopshops of Lennox Avenue. Seven in all (er, we'll call it six and a-half), offering cuts from $10-$15 depending on such factors as whether or not you have a fax to send and the scruples of the barber offering his services. If you visit one, tell 'em Fraud sent you... On second thought, better not. My dude.